


so near (but still so far away)

by grraey



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, F/F, Minyul, Neighbors, One-Sided Attraction, Or Is It?, Pining, idk what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:59:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29016228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grraey/pseuds/grraey
Summary: minju is desperately searching for love and yuri is not-so desperately searching for a way to fall out of love.
Relationships: Jo Yuri/Kim Minju
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22





	so near (but still so far away)

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this as a ssamyen os in the middle of writing another minyul os. But here we are lmao
> 
> this is the part where i tell you this is bad; exit's thru here: [shoot](https://youtu.be/WDMdSPOve1I)[,](https://youtu.be/h8KjpKHowGE) [take](https://youtu.be/36qy7BLbR_o) [a](https://youtu.be/NV9tkYz4DMs) [panorama](https://youtu.be/G8GaQdW2wHc)

Yuri rolls around her bed to reach her phone from the other side of the bed. After checking her phone for over 50 times that night, she decided to put it far away from her. It worked for about...

12:02 AM. It worked for 2 minutes. But on the bright side, she’s only staring at her empty notifications for the _first time_ this morning _._

Still no message from Minju. Maybe that’s good. It means things are going well. Maybe that would be good for her too. Sending one last message asking for a reply for when she gets home, she decides to shut her eyes. For real this time, she says to herself.

Her mind doesn’t drift to how Minju’s date could be going. She isn’t interested anyway. So of course, she ignores her phone when it vibrates. She doesn’t immediately jump out of bed when Minju replies to her saying “don’t worry, im here...just getting some fresh air out.” She definitely doesn’t hit the foot of the bed while scrambling for a jacket. And she wasn’t thinking of Minju when she ran 10 floors down because she couldn’t wait for the sluggish elevator of their old building.

A little delirious and out of breath, she finds Minju sitting at the curb next to the streetlight. 

Yuri stares at her back for a while before the cold October evening air hits her and she realizes that the long-haired girl isn’t even wrapped in as many layers as her.

“Kim Minju, it’s cold out here.” Yuri sits next to her.

Minju sighs. “It’s cold everywhere.”

Yuri snorts as she drapes the jacket over Minju. “Dramatic as always.” she mutters before her eyes meet Minju’s. 

The older girl’s eyes are swelling. And her nose is reddish. Yuri pushes down the bubbling laughter. Anger rises within her instead.

It’s not the first time Yuri has seen her like this. But it makes her boil each time how anyone could possibly hurt a kind-hearted person like Minju. She doesn’t understand how someone could not fall for her. Or how someone could stop liking her. Or maybe she’d like to know how. 

Shrugging away her thoughts, she wipes Minju’s face with the jacket’s sleeves. She puts an arm around the older girl and lets her lean against her shoulder. Gently brushing Minju’s hair, she whispers “You’ll be okay.”

Minju rubs her nose. “I’m sorry about your jacket. I’ll wash it for you.”

“Don’t worry about it...” Yuri waits for Minju’s touched smile. “It’s yours anyway. Of course, you’ll wash it.” She chuckles as she watches the other girl’s eyes widen.

“Jo Yuri!” Minju slaps her arm. “You’re lucky I’m not in the mood to be mad today..” She snorts as she pinches the side of the younger girl. 

Yuri whines in pain but doesn't let go. “You should just be mad. You look worse when you cry...really bad” She waits for a chuckle. It comes with a raised fist. And she almost sighs in relief.

But it’s followed by more sniffling. “We broke up again, Yul...well, no. More like I got dumped again?”

“Well, he’s dumb, Min. Forget about him. There’s someone better out there. You just haven't met them yet...” There’s a dull pain in her stomach as she says it.

“But what if that’s not it?...” she wipes her tears. “It’s just that nothing ever works out. With anyone...I’m starting to think that it’s me. Maybe something’s wrong with me?”

Yuri nods slightly. “Mayb-”

Minju shoves Yuri away. She throws the jacket at the laughing girl who drops down on the ground, trying to avoid it.

“Ew, Minju! I don’t want your snot.” Yuri complains pushing the jacket away.

“You were supposed to disagree,” Minju yells at her as she grabs Yuri’s wrist. “And stop lying there. Your clothes will get dirty.”

“It’s fine,” Yuri grins. “It’s yours too.”

Minju tackles her. “Stop going through my closet.”

“I didn’t. You left it at my house.” Yuri says as Minju tries to tickle her.

“Return it then. Why don’t we start with this one.” She tugs at the younger’s shirt.

“Hey, stop it,” Yuri grapples with Minju’s arms. “People might get the wrong idea.”

The remark makes Minju jump away from her and look around. She takes the opportunity to run away. Like children, they chase each other until they reach their units’ floor.

Cornered, Yuri surrenders. “Fine, fine. I’ll return it after washing it.”

“Wash it well, then.” Minju glares at her, then points at her eyes and then Yuri.

“Wait, Kim Minju,” She says, taking a chocolate bar out of her pocket. “Catch...” It flies towards Minju who unsurprisingly reacts late.

Minju scoffs. “This brat...tha-”

“-And you didn’t let me finish earlier,” Yuri stares at her doorknob. She clears her throat. “I was trying to say that...maybe...you’re just too good for the people you meet.” She says it hurriedly before going in, afraid that it came out a little too sincere. Afraid that it would be a little too obvious.

  
  


***

  
  


Fortunately for Yuri, she never has to worry for too long. Minju usually picks herself up quickly. Maybe a bit too quickly, in her opinion. Maybe it does worry her even more.

And it’s usually pretty easy to tell. Like when Minju doesn’t choose a tear-jerker after doing so four movie nights in a row. Sometimes it’s just plain obvious. Like this afternoon when she cancels movie night and asks Yuri to come over to help her out for ‘something urgent’ instead.

Deciding to ignore it for a while, she lies back in bed. Nothing there except for the glow in the dark stars stuck at the ceiling. It was Minju’s gift on her first Christmas after moving into the apartment. The same-aged neighbors quickly bonded and got close in no time. 

Now it has been two years since they started hanging out after work and spending some of their weekends together. Two years of bickering and fighting about the pettiest things. Nothing ever got too intense though. Not with Minju’s soft-heartedness and Yuri’s _soft-heartedness_. 

It has also been two years of watching Minju fall in love with different people. Two years of letting her cry on her shoulders when things don’t go well. Sometime in those two years, she started liking her friend more than she should have been. 

So maybe one thing did get too intense.

A ringing phone brings her back to reality, and an impatient Minju nags at her to hurry. 

It doesn’t stop her from walking slowly next door and taking her time to enter the passcode of the studio apartment almost identical to hers. 

The sight of Minju pretty much flipping her closet upside down welcomes her. 

“Are you moving out?” She points to the pile of clothes lying on her bed.

“Ha-Ha, funny. Now come here and help me out.”

“I’m having coffee as payment.” Yuri announces as she walks to the kitchen area.

“I don’t have milk though. Or sugar.”

“I know. It’s not my first time here.”

“Why do you keep drinking black coffee anyway? You always complain about how it tastes bitter.” Minju says, still rummaging through her clothes.

“Why do you keep going on dates anyway? You always end up getting hurt after.” Yuri quickly regrets it. It sounded more like gentle teasing in her head.

The sound of hangers sliding through the closet’s metal rod comes to a halt.

“You said there’s someone better out there for me. Why are you judging me now for trying to find them?”

Thinking twice about how to respond, Yuri pours too much hot water on her cup. She curses under her breath. But maybe it’ll taste less bitter, weaker now that it’s diluted with water. If only she could find a way to do something similar with her feelings. 

“I would never judge you, Min. I just think that you might be rushing things...it might be better to take it slowly sometimes...”

Minju throws a coat on the bed. “I’m not impatient or desperate, Yul.” 

“I didn’t say that.”

“That’s what you wanted to say,” She sighs. “But I’m not. I just know what I want and I’m not afraid to go after it.”

Yuri has always admired that about her. She isn’t afraid to go for what she wants. Yuri doesn’t even know what she wants, just that she’s afraid to go after it. Or more accurately, she’s too afraid to admit what she wants, too coward to do anything about it. 

“I’m just worried about you, okay?” She mumbles as she stirs her cup of coffee.

More than anything, she wants happiness for Minju. It doesn’t matter that it would mean heartbreak for her. She just hates that her countless attempts have meant heartbreak for _her._

“Forget it. Let’s just not talk about it.”

Approaching Minju with a guilty smile, she apologizes. “I’m sorry...don’t be mad...” She pokes the older girl until she finally bursts into giggles. 

Minju nudges her away. “I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to snap at you either.” She says before breaking into a smile.

Putting her coffee on the side table, Yuri sits at the edge of the bed and starts fiddling with her phone as Minju tries on an outfit.

"Who are you meeting?" A question she always asks but has never really wanted to hear the answer to.

"My colleague’s friend," Minju looks at the mirror. "She's been promising to set me up-"

"-for failure?" Yuri snorts before dodging a shirt that goes flying in her direction.

"Shut up," Minju turns to her. "What do you think about this?”

Yuri peeks at her before going back to her mindless scrolling. “It’s nice. You look good in anything anyway.” She tries to say it like she doesn’t mean it.

Minju sighs. “You’re not even looking at me.” 

The older girl tries to snatch Yuri's phone from her hand. It causes them to stumble over the bed.

"Kim Minju, go away," Yuri yells as they roll around the bed. She would put more of a fight but Minju's face being so close to hers flusters her. It shouldn't. She should be used to it. But she can't help a lot of things these days.

"You came here to help me, didn't you?" Minju manages to grab the phone and rolls away. The younger girl can't decide if she's relieved or disappointed.

She laughs victoriously, teasing a pouting Yuri who huffs out a "Fine."

"Jo Yuri, your eyes belong to me this afternoon." She beams as she puts the phone in her pocket.

Yuri wishes it were true. That she could stop looking at Minju at the end of the hour. That she could bear not to look at her whenever she’s in the same room. That she wouldn’t be the first person Yuri would recognize in a sea of faces. That her heart wouldn't drop whenever she sees Minju with someone else. That her eyes would no longer belong to Minju when night comes.

The younger girl looks up and watches Minju run her hands through her long dark hair falling past her shoulders. It almost disappears into her black turtleneck. Yuri thinks it’s a crime that someone can look as good in simple ankle-cut jeans. But then again it's Minju. She'd look good in a paper bag.

“Do I look okay?” Minju looks at her with uncertainty. As if she doesn’t know just how beautiful she is.

Okay? _More like stunning_.

A pair of hands grabs her cheeks and a frowning Minju studies her. “Are you sick? Why are you being nice all of a sudden?”

Only then does she realize that she said it out loud out loud. She pulls away from Minju and tries not to show her panic. "I'm in a good mood today since I'll have a peaceful Saturday night."

Minju pouts at her. "I'll bother you tomorrow. Just you wait..."

Yuri hates it. The drumming of her heart when Minju pouts. When she beams. Even when she does nothing at all. She hates how she excitedly replies to her date. How she smiles differently at her phone screen. How much Yuri wants to be at the receiving end of that. How Minju’s back looks as she walks out the door after waving goodbye.

She hates how the coffee still tastes bitter.

The bitter taste lingers long after she finishes the coffee. It stays even after she eats a cup of spicy ramen. It's still there when she scooped up the last bit of the ice cream tub, while trying to watch a movie. It almost goes away after she brushed her teeth and buried herself in her blankets. 

But she tastes it again, hours later, when the other side of her bed creaks and sinks a little, a weight settling in. A cold hand finds Yuri's. A familiar arm wraps around her waist. Suddenly, Yuri thinks that bittersweet isn't a real thing. She’s almost certain that the bitterness could overpower anything.

"Are you asleep, Yul?" 

"I am. Go aw-" 

Minju pinches the side of Yuri's stomach. They fight under the blanket before Minju wins and snuggles into Yuri's neck.

"There's a pillow, Kim Minju," Yuri whines. “Or better yet, go to your own bed.” She's not sure if she means it. She doesn't know what she wants anymore.

"Your arm is more comfy." Minju chuckles.

Minju usually slips in next to her when a date goes horribly wrong. Or when work is too stressful. When she needs warmth and comfort her own bed can't provide. But Minju has been doing it more often lately. At the end of a regular day. On a random Saturday. After a movie night together because she says she's too lazy to walk 20 feet to her bed. Yuri has tried to avoid it a few times, doing overtime. But she would just find the cause of her headache waiting for her and she has to check whether she's in the right room every time. She hates it mostly because it gives her useless hope.

"I guess it went well?" she finally asks.

Yuri could just sleep. There's a million ways the date could've gone. None of them she wants to know. And looking at Minju's peaceful face, she's just glad there's no tears in her eyes this time.

"I don't know. It was just...pretty awkward."

"If you're saying that, it must have been awful." Yuri giggles when mischievous hands tickle her.

Minju holds Yuri more tightly, as if she’s afraid the younger girl would leave. As if Yuri could. “It’s okay, it’s all better now.” 

Yuri disagrees. It isn’t. Not for her at least.

But the smile in her face tells otherwise.

  
  


* * *

Saturdays are for sleeping in.

That’s what Yuri repeatedly yells at Minju as she gets forcefully dragged out of bed at 4 in the afternoon.

“Hurry up, Joyul,” Minju pushes her towards the bathroom. “You promised Wonyoung you’d be there.”

Yuri reluctantly nods as she closes the bathroom door.

“Don’t you dare sleep in the toilet,” Minju says with bursts of knocks.

That’s how Yuri finds herself in a BBQ restaurant with Minju and her cousin, Wonyoung.

“Are you dating anyone, Yuri-unnie?” Wonyoung asks in the middle of her meal after she was done telling stories of her travels.

Yuri almost spits out her food. 

“She isn’t,” Minju answers for her. “Yuri isn’t interested in anyone.”

“Thank you for answering, unnie. Since when did you become Yuri’s spokesperson?” Wonyoung turns to her cousin. “I didn’t know you’ve switched jobs from being a magazine editor?”

“Jang Wonyoung, don’t get snarky with me,” Minju pouts. “Is that the effect of hanging out so much with that friend of yours?” She teases.

“That friend has a name, unnie.” Wonyoung rolls her eyes at her cousin playfully.

Before Minju could retort, Yuri fed her a spoonful. “Less bickering, more eating...and stop being mean to Wonyoung.”

Wonyoung sends a heart to Yuri who returns it with a laugh.

“You two should become cousins instead.” Minju says with a full mouth.

“So who’s that friend?” Yuri asks. “Is our baby Wonyo dating now?”

“Unnie,” Wonyoung pouts. “I’m not a baby. And I’m not dating her.” 

“Over my dead body too,” Minju crosses her arms. “They’d have to pass my test first.”

“You just don’t want her dating while you're single, don’t you?” Yuri teases her friend next to her. It earns her a pinch at the side.

Wonyoung laughs at the two. “My friend...whose name is Yujin by the way. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before,” She emphasizes. “She’ll be here next weekend before she goes back to Europe. I think you’ll get along actually. Want me to introduce you?”

With a tight-lipped smile, Yuri focuses on grilling the meat. She’s used to this. But it doesn’t hurt less each time.

"It's not my fault you talk about your friend so much, my ears just close when you mention her," She teases her cousin. “I can’t by the way. I’m busy next weekend.” 

“A whole weekend for a first date, unnie?” Wonyoung asks. “Or have you been seeing someone without telling me?” She pouts.

Yuri laughs. “Kim Minju, you better not disturb me anytime next week to pick out an outfit. Do it yourself.”

Minju frowns at the two.

“What date? It’s Yuri’s birthday,” She turns to Yuri snickering, “Did you forget your birthday?”

She did.

“Oh, Saturday, right?” Wonyoung asks. “Then shouldn’t you be free on Sunday?”

“Actually, it’s fine. Don’t worry about me,” Yuri laughs and hopes it’s not as awkward as she feels. “It’s not like we’ve made plans.” She still doesn’t know how much she means it.

“Shut up,” Minju says as she puts her arms around Yuri’s shoulder. She turns to Wonyoung. “We’re going camping overnight. And then we’ll laze around when we get home.”

Yuri groans in protest. “I never agreed to that?”

Minju ignores her. “Yuri’s more important than any dating prospect.” She says, pinching Yuri’s cheeks.

The smoke from the grill gets thicker. And it goes up nowhere. It carries all of Yuri's efforts in moving on with it.

Wonyoung smirks at them. “Why don’t you just date Yuri-unnie then?”

Yuri almost chokes. Chuckling, Minju pushes a glass of water towards her.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Yuri and I are just friends,” Minju giggles. “We don’t see each other that way. Right, Yul?”

Her eyes tell Yuri everything she needs to know. Everything she wanted to keep not knowing.

Yuri fake gags. “Even if we were the only two people left on Earth, I still wouldn’t date Minju.”

It’s true, really. Just not by her choice.

Minju shoves her a little. And Wonyoung laughs at the remark. But for a second, Yuri sees a knowing sad smile from her. Feeling ridiculous, she downs her water hoping it pushes down her pain too. She tunes out as Minju teases her cousin to go on a date with her friend instead.

  
  
  


***

The camping trip was a horrible idea. And Yuri wishes Minju had just gone on a date with Wonyoung’s friend.

And it isn’t because Minju drives slower than a tortoise for most of the trip. Or because they’re both so bad at directions that even with a GPS, they had trouble finding the camping site. It’s not because they spent about an hour being at each other’s throat before they finally set up the tent. Or because it took another two hours to build a campfire.

It’s because it's all so cruel. The way Minju’s eyes turn into crescents against the moonlight as she sings Yuri happy birthday. The addictive warmth she emits and shares through the blanket they’re sharing as they eat burnt hotdogs. Even more so is the weight of Minju’s head on her shoulders as a love song from her phone echoes into the night. And especially how she whispers "Let's be friends forever, Yul", as she brushes her cheek against Yuri's shoulder. It’s all too cruel for Yuri.

But at least Minju doesn’t cuddle into her arms that night. It’s good that she’s turned away so Yuri doesn’t have to see the sleeping face that makes her heart do laps. 

It should’ve been a moment of peace. It should have brought her relief. But her heart feels heavier instead. It has been nearly a year since she realized she's caught feelings. Nearly a year of denial and trying to get over it. Hugging herself, she wonders if the only way to move on is to acknowledge it and truly break her heart. These thoughts circle her head as she tries to keep warm. She’s wrapped in multiple layers underneath a sleeping bag but the cold breeze feels harsher that night. Maybe Minju was right and it is cold everywhere. 

Yuri sits with her thoughts the next morning. It stays with her the whole ride home. Minju would sneak glances at her several times.

But she would let her be.

Yuri takes it as a sign.

“Finally home.” Minju says as she plops onto Yuri’s bed.

Wordlessly, Yuri lies down on the opposite side. She shifts farther until she’s at the edge.

Minju peeks at her. “Are you sick?” She rolls to Yuri’s side and puts the back of her hand on her forehead. “You’ve been quiet all morning.”

It’s not the first time Minju’s face is this close to Yuri’s. But she can never be unfazed. Yuri gently pushes her away. She hopes her cheeks aren’t too red. “Go home, Minju. Your bed must be lonely.”

“Is something wrong, Yul?” Minju says, concern plastered in her face.

“Nothing...” Yuri closes her eyes. “...it’s nothing. I guess I’m just tired.”

She almost flinches when Minju hugs her. “I’ll give you some of my energy then.”

Maybe Yuri shouldn't have. But she lets the moment linger. She watches the second hand of the clock go around twice. Maybe it’s selfish but she gathers energy from Minju. She hopes she snatched some courage along with it. 

A ding breaks the moment before Yuri could. She watches Minju’s phone light up with a notification. She doesn’t need to look to know what it could be. But she does anyway. Her heart falls to the pits as Minju lets go of her to focus on her phone.

Minju stands up in a hurry. “I have to go, Yul.”

Yuri sits up. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“It’s nothing,” The older girl chews on her lips. “Remember the girl from my last date? She’s asking to meet up.”

The younger girl lies back down. “You don’t look very excited.” She hopes it sounds like teasing. 

“It was kinda awkward last time. But maybe it’ll be better now that we’re more familiar with each other.” Minju sounds like she's also trying to convince herself.

“Whatever happened to knowing whether it’s _the one_ within five minutes?” 

Minju chuckles. “Okay, maybe I'm wrong and it doesn't happen with everyone. Besides, she’s my co-worker’s friend and all...I should give it another try.” She grabs her things. “I’ll see you later, Yul.”

Yuri wonders if there's something beneath the pits. Because she's certain her heart was already at the lowest point. And yet it still keeps on sinking. Maybe there is no bottom and the only way out is to smash it into bits.

Swallowing her fear, she opens her mouth (and her heart to endless pain). “Don’t go, Min,” Minju turns in surprise. “Watch a movie with me instead.”

Minju tilts her head, mouth half-open. “I’m sorry, Yul. I already said yes. I promise I’ll make it up to you next time.”

“I thought I was more important than any dating prospect?” It startles her as much as it does Minju.

Sighing, Minju opens and closes her mouth a few times. “Is there something wrong, Yul? I thought you wanted to rest...”

Yuri breathes out a few times before nodding weakly in surrender.

“I think I like you Minju.” She says it slowly and then laughs dryly. Bitterly.

The low hum of the fan somehow sounds louder. But maybe not as loud as the pounding of her heart, she wonders if Minju hears it too.

“Yuri-ah...”

“I know,” Yuri tries to push down the tears. “I’m just a friend to you...I know. I just wanted to say it once.” _And free myself once and for all._

Minju glances at her then at the door. “Let’s talk later, Yul...”

They don’t.

At least not that week. And it’s not really Minju’s fault. She texts Yuri the next day. And when the younger girl ignores her multiple messages throughout the day, she quickly takes the hint.

Yuri drowns herself in work. She stays at the office long after everyone has gone home. Then she sits down at a nearby park drinking canned coffee, hoping that she doesn’t cross paths with Minju. She rushes past her apartment door when she gets home. And she leaves an hour earlier than she normally does.

She does it for the rest of the week. And then the week after that.

Minju lets her be.

Yuri takes it as a sign.

* * *

  
  


A knock takes Yuri out of her daydreams. She’s been staring at the TV for the past hour. Maybe two. Not watching. Just staring as she lets the noise fill her empty apartment.

She opens the door to a smiling tall girl holding a box of macarons.

Yuri cocks her head at her. “I think you’re at the wrong door.” 

But Minju’s cousin just pushed past her. She drops the box at the table and jumps onto the couch.

“I think people usually greet their guests and then offer a drink,” Wonyoung says as she surfs through the channels. “Sparkling water would be nice, unnie.”

“I don’t really have extra mugs.” Yuri mutters as she goes through her cupboard. Nothing but a plain black mug and a cute frog mug that almost makes her smile. It was her last birthday gift to Minju who almost threw it at her in annoyance when she first unwrapped it. She insists that she hates it but almost killed Yuri when she dropped it once.

She takes it out and opens the fridge. There’s not a lot of things in there. A pack of Minju’s favorite chocolate bars. Chocolate drinks. A mini cake from Minju’s favorite bakery across the street. A pack of beef that Minju ‘forced’ her to buy on their trip to the grocery before they went camping. Annoyed, Yuri takes out a bottle of water and slams the door.

“What are you so mad about?” A startled Wonyoung asks.

Yuri just teasingly mimics her as she pours water into the stupid frog mug.

Wonyoung squints at her. “Did you two fight?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Yuri innocently asks.

It doesn’t get past the girl on her couch, younger than her but wise beyond her years.

“I wasn’t sure of it before but this confirms it,” The taller girl crosses her arms and smiles smugly. She ignores Yuri’s attempts at feigning cluelessness. “Minju-unnie has been dragging me to all sorts of places instead of you. She hasn’t been telling me stories of how annoying you’ve been. And when I mention your name, she starts talking about something else. And your faces...it’s like the sky is falling or something.”

Sitting next to her, Yuri hands Wonyoung the mug. “The sky is falling? You should really stop rewatching Chicken Little.”

“Don’t try to change the topic,” Wonyoung glares at her. She laughs at how non-threatening it is. “What happened? Why did you fight? What did you do?”

“First of all, we didn't fight. But why do you assume it’s me?” Yuri whines, feeling wronged.

“Because Minju-unnie is giving you space. And you’re sulking here instead of _reluctantly_ trying to fix things,” Wonyoung studies her face. 

Her eyes widen when Yuri sighs. “Did you...no way...”

Nodding absent-mindedly, Yuri drags herself to her bed. There's no use in hiding it, really.

“How did you know, Wonyoung-ah?” She asks lying in bed. “Am I that obvious?”

“I don't really know if it was to Minju unnie,” Wonyoung looks at her with sympathy. “But I just...saw the way you looked at her...and I just knew...”

For minutes, maybe hours, she stares at the ceiling. And then she turns to her side and stares at the box Wonyoung left behind. Minju’s favorite.

Minju. Minju. Minju. She’s not here but she’s everywhere. 

She stands up and kicks the large box beside her bed. After Wonyoung left and before she went back to staring at nothing, she went around her apartment trying to pick up things that remind her of Minju. The toothbrush she left after one too many sleepovers. The pillow she brought from her apartment but never used because she seemed to prefer torturing Yuri. The extra hand towel she put in her bathroom after they bickered about it. The night light Minju that bought for her after finding out that she’s not very fond of the dark. The countless sweaters, shirts, socks that she left behind. The damned stickers on her ceiling she couldn't bother to try reaching. Yuri gave up halfway through because Minju’s traces are all over her apartment. There was no use. Everything just reminds her of _her._

Looking at the box, she wonders if she could get her heart back if she returns it all to Minju.

“This too will pass, unnie. One day, you’ll wake up and you’ll be fine.” Wonyoung’s last words ring in her ears. She would wonder whether there’s more to the younger girl’s words. She would wonder if there was ache there instead of just plain wisdom.

Too bad Yuri was too busy wallowing in her own despair to ask.

  
  


***

Yuri wonders when exactly she first fell for Minju. It wasn’t when Minju knocked on her first day, awkwardly offering a plate of rice cakes and a tour around the neighborhood. It wasn’t however adorable she was then. Maybe it was when she decided to stay with Yuri for Christmas Eve instead of going home because she found out Yuri would be spending it alone. Or maybe it was when Minju dragged her to the park at 1 in the morning for an impromptu picnic because she wanted to celebrate Yuri’s birthday first. It could’ve been when she finished Yuri’s abomination of a seaweed soup on her birthday, with a smile and a thumbs up.

The moments all blur together for Yuri. She only knows that she woke up one day and when she looked at Minju, she knew. 

Maybe that’s how it’ll be when she gets over her. Maybe she should keep on spending time with her instead of cutting her off. Maybe that’s how the moments will blur. And then maybe she’ll wake up one day, look at Minju and not feel anything anymore.

Yuri thinks about it as she stares at an Excel file she finished hours ago. The blinking cursor on Yuri's desktop taunts her. It's telling her to go home. It's past work hours and the only light remaining in the office is from her desk. Until her phone lights up, that is. She would ignore it but it buzzes thrice.

Minju: 

yul…

nvm

xsend

It’s a message she knows too well. Yuri shuts off her PC and grabs her bag. She tries to call Minju but gets no answer. She calls Wonyoung but it only goes to voicemail. Sighing, she rushes home hoping to find Minju there.

Yuri finds her sitting next to her doorstep. Huddled and her head in her hands, she doesn’t notice Yuri.

“Kim Minju...” Yuri sits in front of her, mirroring her position. “What are you doing out here?” 

Minju looks up at the sound of her voice. She smiles broadly when her glossy, unfocused eyes meet Yuri’s. “Yul?”

The smell of alcohol reaches her.

“How much did you drink?”

“No.”

Yuri stands up and holds out a hand for her. “Come on, Min. Let’s get you home.”

“I don’t wanna go home,” She replies, almost slurring her words. “It’s quiet and cold...and...”

_And Minju hates being alone._

“Then let's go here.” Yuri nods towards her apartment door.

She squats again and takes Minju’s hands.

The older girl looks towards the door and shakes her head. “I can’t...Yuri’s mad at me...”

“She’s not mad at you.” Yuri pulls Minju up. 

_She can’t._

They stumble a little on their way inside, with the taller girl wobbling as she leans towards Yuri. She sighs when they finally get to the bed. Yuri tucks her into the bed. Strands of long black hair fall onto Minju’s face. She reaches to brush them but stops an inch away. Uncertain more than ever about the boundaries of friendship, she stops.

But Minju’s warm hand grabs hers before she could pull away. She beams again and then giggles. It’s infectious and addictive and Yuri can’t help but smile a little too.

“You look like my friend Yuri...” She says, pouting. “I really miss her...” She whispers before drifting off.

Gently putting back Minju’s hands beneath the blanket, Yuri whispers "I missed you too."

  
  


***

  
  


Minju’s groans wake Yuri from slumber, almost falling from the couch. Her feet take her to the kitchen where she takes a mug and fills it with water. She mindlessly puts it on the side table along a hangover pill.

“Yul?” Minju mumbles, her hair covering most of her face. 

Eyes still half-closed, Yuri simply points to where the water is before taking refuge in the couch once more.

Minju slips in and out of consciousness throughout the day. The consequences of last night haunt her as she remains mostly motionless in bed.

It’s Sunday, Yuri’s favorite day for lounging around. That’s why she spends most of the day making up excuses on why she needs to go somewhere. She steps out around lunchtime to buy food Minju would barely touch. She goes out not even an hour after because her boss suddenly asked her to run errands.

Yuri thought she was okay now. But the air of awkwardness with a sober but hangover Minju was too much. The four corners of her house felt like it was closing in on her.

And yet, she doesn’t feel relieved when Minju says she’s going home after Yuri went out for the fifth time, buying dinner she could have ordered and had delivered.

“I’m sorry for bothering you...” Minju says, lowering her gaze.

Yuri could just let her go, let the distance between them grow. The very thing she decided against just the night before.

“S-stay,” She holds up the paper bag with food. “Go home after you eat.”

Minju tilts her head and looks at Yuri, trying to read her. But she says nothing and nods wordlessly.

They eat quietly. Nothing but the sound of chopsticks hitting ceramic bowls every now and then. The sound of the ticking clock fills the silence in between until they finish their meal. It’s then that Minju notices the black mug in front of her.

She points to it. “This is yours, right?”

“You can use it.” Yuri points to her bottled water.

“What happened to my mug?” She asks quietly, hesitantly as she looks around.

A cardboard box with handle holes by the foot of the bed catches her attention. A nightlight sticks out like a sore thumb with the lid of the box nowhere to be found. “Is that...”

“I-i was just cleaning up,” 

Minju walks towards the box and quietly goes through it.

“Were you gonna give these back to me?” She says, her back still turned to Yuri. 

“I don’t know.” Yuri says honestly. It’s been a week since Wonyoung’s visit. A week since she gathered Minju’s things. A week since she was supposed to knock next door with a box of macarons in hand to fix their friendship. A week of not knowing what Minju wanted. Or what she wanted. But she knows now. Hearing the hurt in Minju's voice, she finds her resolve. It's the one Yuri hates. The one that makes her shake in anger at the cause. She hates that it's her this time. She'd do anything to make it disappear.

“What should I do?” Minju asks, sitting on the floor as she leans on the side of the bed.

“You can take it if you want.”

“What should I do so that you won’t leave me?” Minju looks at her, black orbs that almost seem to be pleading. “Do you want to give it a try, Yul?” It almost knocks the air out of Yuri’s lungs.

“What are you saying?” Yuri hopes it’s not what she’s thinking.

“I’m asking if you want to try dating.”

It’s so ridiculous that Yuri can’t help but laugh as she stands up from her seat. “Stop talking nonsense, Min...I’m not going anywhere.”

“And yet you’ve been avoiding me like the plague,” She lets out a scoff. “And now you’re throwing away my things.” 

Yuri scrambles for words. “I just needed some space. And I thought you needed some too...”

Taking the nightlight in her hands, Minju looks her in the eye. There’s a faraway look in hers. “That’s where it usually starts. That’s how it always ends, Yul.” 

“So you’re what? You’re gonna date me out of pity? Is th-”

“-It’s not that.” Minju frowns at her, clearly hurt. 

Yuri breathes out to calm down. “Then?” She says as softly as she could.

“We’ll never know if we don’t try. Maybe we’d be good together. Maybe I'll end up falling for you. Maybe you’ll stop liking me... they always do…” Minju laughs. It’s hollow and empty. She hugs her knees close to her chest.

“I’m going to forget you brought this up. Like how you’re going to forget what I said that day,” Yuri leans on the table for support. “I don’t want anything from you, Min. I told you...I know you just see me as a friend.”

“So why did you confess then?”

“I just wanted to get it out of my chest. I didn’t say it because I was expecting anything from you.”

“People always say that at first, Yul. But we all end up wanting something in return. Giving without getting anything back...it wears people down..." She looks Yuri in the eye. "That’s why you confessed, isn’t it? Because you were exhausted. That’s why you’re trying to cut me off.”

“I’m not. I won’t.”

“I'm sorry, Yul. If I ever made things difficult for you...”

“I don’t want it. There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Yuri walks towards the bed and sits next to Minju.

“I’m sorry. I kept going to you for comfort.”

“Shut up. I don’t want your sorry. You didn't know anyway.”

Minju turns to her. “And I’m really sorry that I still want to selfishly hold on to you." She says it so quietly, Yuri probably wouldn't have heard a word if she weren't listening intently.

“I’m not going anywhere, Min. I was just clearing my head so I can be a better friend to you. So we can go back to normal...so I can feel normal again.”

"I really don't want to lose you, Yul."

"You won't." Yuri whispers it hoping that Minju feels the sincerity in them.

It finally makes sense to her now that she’s no longer entertaining her hopeless delusions. Why Minju crawls to her bed in ungodly hours. Why she seeks Yuri’s warmth on the coldest days, when she says the world hates her. Why she comes without knocking for no reason at all. Why her apartment feels more like it’s Minju’s than hers sometimes. These things were just seedlings of hope in her heart. Things that made her feel a little special, that made her think there was a chance for her. But now she thinks that maybe it doesn't have much to do with her.

Maybe it has more to do with why Minju rarely goes home on holidays. Why Wonyoung is the only family member Yuri has met or heard of. Why the cousins don't talk about home ever. Why Minju so desperately searches for love in other people.

Yuri might not be _the one_ that Minju is looking for. But that doesn’t mean that there’s no place for her in Minju’s heart. It’s not the kind that she thought was out of her reach. Not the kind that she secretly hoped for. But maybe that's okay. Maybe Yuri can live with that.

Trying to shift the air around them, Yuri clears her throat. “Don't worry...I can get over you in a heartbeat.” She says it confidently before chuckling softly.

“Shut up. Stop joking your way out of things.”

“I will when you stop worrying...I’m not planning on ending my friendship with Wonyoung’s cousin. When she hits it big as a model, I’m posting our selfies together.”

“Gosh, Yul. You’re so annoying.” Minju sighs as she tries to suppress a smile.

“Kim Minju, I’ll take care of my feelings. So you just think of yourself, okay?”

“Stop being nice. It doesn’t suit you.”

Yuri mimics her. The girl beside her lets out a scoff and hits her so lightly, it barely registers as a touch. 

They sit there for a while, a slightly more comfortable silence surrounding them.

Minju's eyes wander towards the kitchen. “You bought a coffee machine?”

Looking at her impulse buy, Yuri nods. “Hmm, I just wanted to try it out.”

Wonyoung called it shopping therapy. She thinks otherwise. Her wallet was hurt. And she bought something that reminded her of Minju anyway.

“Does it take long?”

“Not much longer than boiling water.”

“Does it taste much better?”

“I wouldn’t know. It all tastes kind of bitter to me anyway.”

“Why do you keep drinking it then?”

Yuri thinks of a reason. Something that doesn’t have to do with the girl beside her. Something different from _‘because you like it’_ or _‘because you made me try it’_ or _‘because when I drink one cup too many, it’s harder to tell whether my heart is beating fast for you or from the caffeine’_. But everything goes back to Minju anyway.

“The warmth,” Yuri smiles. “It makes me feel warm and fuzzy.”

“There’s all sorts of things that could make you feel the same way. And there’s other types you know...coffee can be sweet too.”

“Maybe it's the familiarity. I don't think anything else could be the same.” Yuri laughs. “And you? You have a sweet tooth so why do you drink it then?”

“Hm, maybe I like the tinge of bitterness,” Minju sighs. “You think that’s ridiculous, don’t you?”

“Not really. What do they say? The heart wants what it wants, doesn’t it? I guess it’s the same for both of us, huh?”

“Well, the heart is stupid sometimes.”

“I think the stupid heart is learning day by day though. Just you wait, it’ll learn to walk forward soon.” Yuri nudges Minju.

She hears Minju exhale quietly. A little finger gets lost and grazes hers.

“I hope it doesn’t walk too quickly. There’s another stupid heart that might want to catch up and walk together.” Minju can barely keep her laughter in.

“I bet that other stupid heart walks slower than a turtle.”

Minju scoffs and hits Yuri’s arms with her elbow.

They shove each other for a while. The laughter that fills the room doesn't sound hollow.

They laugh and bicker as they put Minju's things back to where they were. And for the first time in a while, Yuri feels truly fine.

Her heart is still far from jumping for joy. But it’ll get there. One day, she'll see Minju smile and hear her laugh and her heart won't feel like it’s getting pulled in a million different directions. She thinks. She hopes. Because it all passes.

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know why you kept reading up to this part but thank youu for reading my nonsense ig. sorry for typos and inconsistensies eheh 
> 
> this ended up way longer (and worse) than i thought it would be. but im just glad i finally managed to finish something lol. ([cc](https://curiouscat.qa/_weewoo_))


End file.
